So, my interview with the Waldorf school was yesterday. It's one of those "I have no idea how it went" situations, and I'm not sure how I feel right now. I know--insane, right? My most pressing motivation for applying here was my children. Finding a convenient way to allow both of them to go to school there. But after the interview yesterday, I'm suddenly feeling a sense of panic. What if I can't do the job? I know I'm a good high school teacher, in fact, I would even feel comfortable saying I am damn good at that. But elementary school is a whole different ball game, and the Waldorf approach is completely different from anything I've experienced.
Don't get me wrong. I am sold on the anthroposophical wisdom of Rudolf Steiner, and I love the sense of community at this school. But am I comfortable with who I am in that setting? or who I might become, anyway? Part of my anxiety is undoubtedly connected to my intolerance of my own failure when others are depending on me. I can handle failure when if affects only me, although I do demand a lot of myself. But when kids are counting on me--mine and other people's--the stakes are just so high.
This job means a very different lifestyle for our family. It means a lot of work over the summer and beyond. It means putting my writing in a different slot. It means going to sleep every night with lesson plans brewing in my brain till it hurts. (been there before!) It means scheduling conflicts and priority shifting. BUT...it also means a little more money coming in besides, the financial relief we'll receive on tuition for the kids. It means more intellectual stimulation (although I get that with teaching the college course too, though for less pay). It means a whole new chapter in our lives...period.
So what is the matter with me?
All fair questions to ask yourself at a time like this. You have to push past your doubts, though, and have the confidence to know that if they choose you, it's because you're the right choice and they have faith in you.
ReplyDeleteAnd so should you.
"So what is the matter with me?"
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely nothing. I'd be asking myself the same kinds of questions. Trust in yourself that you will know what to do when you get your answer.
Hey Mary Ann!
ReplyDeleteTag you're it!
Come to my blog to see my meme and then it's your turn to do one.
:D
This interview sounds like my son's when he was applying to attend the Governor's School for Arts and Humanities. They only take so many students for residential high school and my son walked away feeling the same way but it had been a long day for him.
ReplyDeleteWe live about 40 minutes or so from the school, we had to be there at 8 o'clock in the morning for a 4-hour intensive masterclass session with the three people doing the interviews (in visual arts - don't know about the other disciplines) - which wsa basically technique and instruction; had lunch and then the interviews were scheduled from 1 until 5:30 p.m. My son's was the last one and we couldn't leave campus after lunch and come home for a bit and go back for his interview - so we sat there, walked the campus, explored the area, et cetera. Every kid that would come out of an interview was excited, talked them up like they were the cat's meow. My son asked bunches of them - so how was it? and got similar responses from everyone - It was awesome! It was pretty good! I'm so excited about that interview. It went well. I think I did pretty good. yada yada yada -
My son is the last one and by the time he gets out of the interview (they actually had a delay so didn't start on time) it was almost 7 pm (should have been out of there by 6 but with all the things going on it didn't work out that way), no one was around to ask my son how his interview went.
So I prodded, and he felt so dejected and down - he said he didn't feel it was a good interview, wasn't sure if he stood a chance of being accepted, et cetera and then even was upset due to them not taking his picture (all the other students got polaroids taken with them holding some of the items required for the interview). So we turned around and he found one of the professors who was interviewing and they told him that they ran out of film but that him, they would remember.
Six weeks later we got notification that he had been accepted to the Governor's school. Best interview for him and best time in school for him - he learned more than just art and languages and the basics - he learned how to live on his own in a small community - so the interview and time spent on campus was well worth it - he is now double majoring in college (studio arts and foreign languages).
It seems he's also built a reputation at the Governor's school because students who don't know him but visit the college he attends or know people there seem to bring his name up quite a bit - and he graduated 4 years ago - and the Governor's school is only juniors and seniors attending - lol - so those that have recently graduated wouldn't have even been at the Governor's school when he was there -
Thanks for sharing your interview story with us - (sorry my story was so long but it felt right to tie in a school interview for a teacher and a student) - E :)
Thanks for your story, Elysabeth! Wow--I was a grown-up going through this. I can't imagine how it would feel to be a kid going through this. I think in all my experience, the hardest interview, test, etc. to read, the better the results. If I feel really positive, I often find I didn't do as well as I had thought. But someimes that is just the perfectionist in me.
ReplyDeleteYour son sounds like an amazing young man. Kudos to him and to you for seeking out such tremendous opportunities. It can be really scary to put yourself out there, but boy is it worth it!